Never Good Enough
by Lizzaphor
Summary: This is a one shot in Peter's pov. It's just him thinking really. I felt he never got enough attention. So, I'm just having him think. Like how he was never good enough for Josie and stuff. BTW THIS IS MADE OUT OF BOREDOM! R&R please.


**A/N I was looking through all the possible story archives and I saw that there was one for ****Nineteen Minutes**** by the fabulous Jodi Picoult and I got really excited and decided to write one. I mean really, there's only one FanFiction for it?! That's messed up. And I feel really special now that I have the second story up there! This is set the day before Peter kills himself and I just kinda wanted to have what his last day could have been like. I liked Peter for Josie a lot more than Matt by the way. Here it is!**

**PPOV**

I killed ten kids, and injured like, a TON of others. Yet I feel like the victim. Some say I am. Most say I'm a monster that deserves to die and burn in Hell. I personally think that's a little over dramatic but whatever. I just wanna die. My life has sucked forever and I finally decided to do something about it. Then I get put in here. My own personal little Hell hole.

Josie's stuck in one too, but not for too long. I forgot how long but long enough to make her pretty little face become a crazy ugly one. Too bad for her. Maybe she'll never get an asshole like Matt again. Maybe not even a nice guy like I used to be when we were friends.

Josie was amazing before she couldn't be herself. She was nice and stood up for me; all the other kids would just make fun of me even more if I stood up for myself. No one would take my side. Not even Josie anymore. If Matt wasn't on my side; which he would never be, then Josie wouldn't. And that asshole Matt freaking abused her! She told me that and what could I have done?!

It'd be a ton of other people against me.

Maybe a person or two would take my side but that just doesn't happen. My mom and dad would, and maybe the odd person or two would believe me but everyone else would believe Matt. Even Josie would say she believes him. In the end though she shot him. I didn't get that but she did. Maybe the Josie I know and love was finally coming back and standing up for herself. If I didn't shoot his head he would have lived and went against Josie probably.

It was kind of animal like. He struck all the time and hurt her, and when she hurts him its wrong. So he would have punished her if she was still around, then blame me and she'd still be with him.

Why wasn't I never good enough for Josie? I treated her right and was nice to her and all that stuff, yet I was never popular so Josie hated me for that. Now the whole country knows my name. You could call that popularity or even fame. But she won't want me even though everyone knows who I am. If I wasn't life sentenced I wouldn't be able to go anywhere without worrying for my life or people recognizing me!

Whatever though, I'll kill myself so I won't have to live through my sentence. Why didn't I get the gift of a death sentence?! It's all I want is to die. But noooo let's not give me death! I killed ten others, _ten_ and injured so many other people I can't even count them. But why won't they trade my life out for those injuries or deaths? If some crazy kid came and killed kids at my kid's school and my kid was killed, I'd want him to die. I would probably kill myself after that happened and if the kid got to live.

Life is just…. bullshit.

Yeah, that's all it is. I'm just able to see that more than others. Gone through what others haven't. I should have killed myself when I had the chance. I should have. Or had Josie do it. Like force her to. But she wouldn't be able to kill someone. Matt would. Everyone would love him more than they already do. He'd be the little piggy who killed the big bad wolf. Which is ironic 'cause all my life I've been the little piggy and he's been the big bad wolf.

Except that one time. It's kinda funny some people think they are so B.A. for killing a guy or robbing a few houses and they are like, "what you in for?" And I feel so cool saying, "I massacred my school and killed ten kids and injured countless others." They are so quiet and let me be after that.

Don't get me wrong, I feel terrible about ever last death and injury. Except for Matt and Courtney's death and all the popular kids who got hurt. Like there was a special needs kid who got killed and she was just in the way. I would have never planned on killing her. She was probably misunderstood and stuff like I was. But only in her own little world, unable to realize what was going on around her. I wish I was gifted with that kind of bliss. That'd be sick.

I've always wondered what would happen if I died. Like, who'd go to my funeral, who'd cry, would anyone say something about me? My teachers would probably go, my parents and any relatives who pretended to give a shit but didn't actually. Maybe Josie would go and her mom. Maybe a few kids from the school who never said anything to me and was nice. Maybe a neighbor or two. I really don't know. I do know that my lawyer and his wife would probably go and that'd be it. I would love to kill myself but with what? There isn't anything good to kill myself with. Maybe I could try to drown myself in the toilet. No, that'd be just like getting a swirly.

I could strangle myself with my sheets. Or suffocate myself with my socks! I had no issue ever with socks! Yeah! That'll work. I'll kill myself soon though. Mom is supposed to come today and I'll say goodbye. If I say that I love her and bye I'll have good closure. There are only a few people I'd actually want to have closure with. Mom, Dad, my lawyer, his wife, (she helped with my case,) Josie's mom, and Josie.

Josie's mom may have helped ruin my childhood but she gave birth to the wonderful Josie. I'd like closure with her. And most importantly, Josie.

I can't wait to stuff that sock in my mouth.

**A/N Peter seemed really misunderstood and I really did like him better than Matt. That's all I guess and review please! Or check out some of my other stories. Whatever you wonderful readers would like to do! =)**


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